Things I Won't Be Able to Do in Heaven

 I am a thinking person.  So is everyone who has a mind and capacity - just some of us don't give that part of our being priority, preferring to go by instinct or feeling.  My opinion is, being able to choose your behavior, carefully considering your options by observing others and their consequences, learning from the mistakes of others rather than having to make them all yourself, is part of what makes us "image-bearers" of God, part of what makes us human and not programmed robots or animals at mercy of their drives. 
  But I am also a feeling person - able to be touched emotionally, not walled off from internal consequences of what I do to myself or others do to me.  That also is a part of being an "image-bearer."  As such, I totally "get" the quest for emotional communion in relationship.  In marriage, sexuality expressed is the ultimate getting-into-each-other's-skin form of that communion.  Sometimes that means hand-holding while watching a movie, a kiss, a hug -- and sometimes more. 
  In my relationship with God, I draw close to Him by reading the Word, by prayer, by worship and by service in church and out.  I experience Him as I study science and math, read a poem or a book, ride a motorcycle, ski down a hill, float in a lake, mow my lawn, weed my garden, or just gaze at the flowers and mountains or falling leaves or snow.
  But there really is something more to this God-relationship that can be quite addictive - and that is the experience of God reaching down and touching with an epiphany moment.  A moment when beauty overwhelms you and you FEEL God is near.  It can be so magnificent that it can drive someone to a monastery or a mountain, it can take over your life so that all you do is try to re-create that moment again and again.  I think this tremendous desire is what makes people try to manufacture "worship experiences" so that it can be felt again and again.  People take drugs to try to manufacture that feeling of being overwhelmed by the OTHER. 
  Yesterday, I experienced such a moment - as I have many other times.  I went to a see a dear patient, one I've taken care of many times, to help her with her baby and just to say hello.  As I was leaving the room, I was overtaken by the sense of God being near and I left the room in joyful tears.  I realized how blessed I am to be able to do something for someone else that is what THEY need, not what I need.  I realized, once again, the wonder of being given my life and its rocky pathway to prepare me.  What a privilege to be able to "fill up in sufferings what was lacking in Christ's" so that I may be a part of His ministry!  And to go where Christ could not go in space and time and represent Him.  I know I have been far from a perfect vessel for His light, full of cracks and flaws, barely bringing any water at all to the thirsty!
  And as I left my work after a full day, the thought hit me - I won't ever do this again once I leave this earth!  I will not be able to give money to my church, wipe a fevered brow, help a baby or mom, mow a lawn, clean a toilet, witness to a lost person, comfort a grieving person, suffer through an illness, etc.  Of course - there won't be a need for those things - that's the point of heaven.  And I'm sure I won't miss all the pain and suffering.  But those painful experiences will be the things I reminisce about with others around Heaven's campfires.  These things connect me with other human beings who go through them also.  Can I help them find and experience the "joy though suffering" presence of Christ in their lives?  Can I help them rise above circumstances, stop the escape mentality and find peace?  I think that can only happen as I am willing to be open and real about my own circumstance and as I listen and follow where God leads, even if the path seems difficult, dark and even strange!